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Archive for May, 2016

Tears roll down my face as I Facetime one of my dear friends. She looks at me in kindness, listening attentively as I share all the emotions swirling around in my heart.

Pain.

Sadness.

Confusion.

Grief.

I took a mental health day yesterday and sat on the couch for hours binging on Netflix and Blue Bell. Today I’ve tried not to stay on the couch, but I’m still weighed down.

 

This past week has been heavy.

The injustice which exists in this Genesis 3 world is sometimes too much for my soft heart.

I become frustrated with God for my emotional and sensitive personality. I wish I did not care so deeply. I wish I did not love so deeply. It is too much sometimes.

As I share with my friend the cause of my tears she smiles at me and encourages me to do something that makes me happy. I tell her my plan of happy, and we say our goodbyes.

There is one rule I have began to include in my day to day life:

“Buy yourself flowers.”

I have also recently developed a love for sushi.

So, I drive myself to Whole Foods and peruse the flower selection and watch the sweet man make my sushi roll.

I am now at my local coffee shop drinking iced green tea, and about to continue my latest read: Ruthless Trust, by Brennan Manning…

“Unwavering trust is a rare and precious thing because it often demands a degree of courage that borders on the heroic. When the shadow of Jesus’ cross falls across our lives in the form of failure, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, unemployment, loneliness, depression, the loss of a loved one; when we are deaf to everything but the shriek of our own pain; when the world around us suddenly seems a hostile, menacing place — at those times we may cry out in anguish, ‘How could a loving God permit this to happen?’ At such moments the seeds of distrust are sown. It requires heroic courage to trust in the love of God no matter what happens to us.” – Brennan Manning

When life hits hard, give yourself permission to cry. Give yourself permission to hurt.

And when the pain is confusing, remember that our God is not a God of confusion.

We serve a God who has already won the battle.

“Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!”

Psalm 27:14

Here’s to God’s sovereignty, loving friends, heroic trust, and the roses that make us happy.

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