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Posts Tagged ‘fear’

 

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Camel Pose!

This morning I sat in church tearing up out of awed gratitude.

Matt Chandler interviewed Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs about the testament of God’s faithfulness in their marriage and their story reminded me about how faithful God has been in my life over this past year.

Those of you who have experienced or have had a loved one experience the cloud of clinical depression, you know how dark and grueling the cloud is. The cloud enslaves your inner world and you are trapped inside a shadow of indescribable sadness, where hope seems unreachable. The person you once knew disappears and you wonder if you will ever be yourself again. Days and nights I cried wondering where “Naomi” went? Where did the joy go? Where is God in the darkness? I need saving, because I am confused, scared, angry, and sad.

I can now honestly say that for the past few weeks I have been feeling normal and the cloud of depression is not hovering anymore. My life has been on pause for about 11 months and I am thoroughly excited to have the stamina to begin committing to various activities again. Yes, I am still in counseling, taking two different anti-depressants, eating nutritiously, staying active, attempting to sleep at least 8 hours each night, and trying to keep in mind my social energy so I don’t spread myself too thin. I also do not know what the future holds, and I may have another breakdown in the years to come. However, for now, I feel fantastically Naomi. I feel like myself again. And I feel free. No, that does not mean I am chipper every single second or that all fears have passed away. But, the dark cloud which hovered for a number of months is no longer shading me from the sunny days and new blossoms.

This past Spring I participated in a Bible Study with the women in my home group and we studied the book of 1 Peter. The verses which stood out to me then also continues to stand out to me now as a reminder of God’s faithfulness over the past year.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” 1 Peter 2:9-10

As children of God, Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross for our sins and brought us into the Light of His Life. Similarly, God has used depression in my life as an illustration of the Gospel, bringing me out of the darkness and into His marvelous light.

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Working on my Mermaid pose!

Even though I am currently feeling fantastically Naomi, depression is tricky and every individual battles with this mental illness a little bit differently. Plus being a human being with lots of emotions can be confusing. Who knows, tomorrow something may occur and my depression is triggered. Yet, Matthew 6:34 reminds me not to let tomorrow be a worry. So, I will end it here sharing with you how free I am now feeling after being under the bondage of depression, something which I never expected to experience.

 God is faithful in the midst of the cloudy and the sunny.

How is God working in your life?

 

 

 

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My original subject of this blog post will have to be for another time. Recently, God has allowed situations to occur in the lives around me which have led my thoughts into a different direction.

Trust.

Dad gets laid off from work, mom’s health declines, a child dies in a wreck, parents split up, parents fight, child struggles with a learning disability, family has to move to a different state…this list could be a number of things.

Even through the uncertainty in life, God is God.

He has your life in His hands. That will never change.

“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16

My heart grieves for my dear friends who are struggling with unexpected difficulties.

Yet, God commands us not to worry.

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6:27

The flesh grabs a hold of our mind. The flesh says to worry. The flesh says to be depressed. The flesh says to allow the bitterness to take root and lash out with a vengeful heart.

But God has called us to a higher form of reaction.

God calls us to pray…”Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

God calls us to stand firm…”Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

God calls us to act accordingly…”Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.” Philippians 1:27

God calls us to set an example…”Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12

God calls us not to fear…”For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

God calls us to have a happy heart…”Do everything without complaining or arguing,  so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault, in a crooked and depraved generation…” Philippians 2:14-15

God calls us to  be encouragers…”But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:13

God calls us to be joyous…”Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” James 1:2-3

God calls us to be thankful…”Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

There is a beauty and a sense of adventure I find in the unknown. I fully believe that God has my life in His hands, and whatever happens, through the pain and through the joy, God is God.

I’ve been listening to Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, Miracle of the Moment, nonstop.

Steven Curtis Chapman has a way of writing wonderful lyrics. This song specifically has  a special place in my heart. Enjoy now. Live now. Embrace now. As Ecclesiastes says, “There is a time for everything”.

Until I was about 16 years old, I cried on my birthday. I did not want to grow up. I was scared for the unknown. But, the older I become, the more my perspective changes. Now, I love life. I want to embrace life. I long to learn, mature, and to love the life God has given me.

So tonight, trust God.

Words are easier said than done, of course. Nonetheless, If you ask Him I promise you, He will give you the desire to trust Him, and the peace to do so.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord; the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2

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