Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

img_2592

You know I love talking about the desires I believe God has laid on my heart. The Dreamer within me will have days when I am productive in nothing else except producing up twenty new ideas about how to minister to teenage girls.

It has been a very long year and a half. However, for the first time in a long time, I have begun to feel as though I have some direction again.

Just last month I completed my training to became a Certified Holy Yoga Instructor. This included 225 hours of  intense, online training for 9 weeks and a week of hardcore training in the mountains of Arizona.

img_2374

The gorgeous ladies in my cabin at our Holy Yoga retreat!!

If you would have asked me in high school where I thought I would be at twenty-two years old, a certified yoga instructor would not have even made it in the list of possibilities. God does have a sense of humor.

What to know something even more ridiculous?

I am about to begin six more months of online Holy Yoga training.

Some may not understand why I’m so surprised about where I am in life, but I am. And the only way to explain it, is by giving credit to the Holy Spirit, guiding me on this map-less journey, taking me the road less traveled (Robert Frost).

I am one of those people you could sit down with over coffee and I could clearly describe to you who I am. My interests, passions, quirks, fears, pet peeves, strengths, even list out all of my weaknesses. But, I cannot give you any logical explanation about why I became a Holy Yoga instructor other than the fact that I know this was a step of obedience into God’s grace.

If I had said no, it would have been out of fear. And in Christ’s love, there is no fear (1 John 4).

Henri Nouwen writes, “Over the years we have developed the idea that being present to people in all their needs is our greatest and primary vocation. The Bible does not seem to support this. Jesus’ primary concern was to be obedient to his Father, to live constantly in his presence. Only then did it become clear to him what his task was in his relationship with people.” 

For a few years now, I have consistently repeated to my Mom, “I do not care about a college degree. All I want to do is love God and love people.” In the midst of the darkness that filled my life last year, God answered the prayer I did not even know I had been praying.

Please let this be an encouragement to you. I have NO IDEA where I am going to be in years to come. But, I believe in the faithfulness of the Father who created you and me.

We serve a mighty God. He knows us deeply and intimately, and yearns for us to turn to Him with revered obedience.

In what area of your life is God asking for obedience? Where is He pursuing you?

God has created you specifically with purpose and beautiful intention.

What is it? Do you know? Why don’t you ask Him?

img_2079

 

 

Read Full Post »

C. S. Lewis Believed in Faiytales - Self Portrait

Busy day at work? Yeah, me too.

One lesson I have learned in my young adult years is the importance of self-care. God has given us one body while on this earth and we are called to serve Him to the best of our ability; which includes prioritizing self-care. One of my recent loves is establishing a nightly routine prior to falling asleep.

Here is a list of some of my favorite activities to do before bed.

  1. Read my Bible
  2. Diffuse essential oils
  3. Relaxing yoga postures
  4. Light a candle and journal my thoughts
  5. Drink herbal tea with almond/coconut milk
  6. Take a bath with epsom salt and essential oils
  7. Read Fiction (Currently: Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson)
  8. Think of 10 things I was thankful for that day and praise God for them

When you have a chance, take the time to read the following article via  The Eco Blog ! It is an informative and inspiring post about the necessity of sleep and sleep-routine ideas!

Sweet dreams and have a lovely sleep! : ) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

 

IMG_9003

Camel Pose!

This morning I sat in church tearing up out of awed gratitude.

Matt Chandler interviewed Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs about the testament of God’s faithfulness in their marriage and their story reminded me about how faithful God has been in my life over this past year.

Those of you who have experienced or have had a loved one experience the cloud of clinical depression, you know how dark and grueling the cloud is. The cloud enslaves your inner world and you are trapped inside a shadow of indescribable sadness, where hope seems unreachable. The person you once knew disappears and you wonder if you will ever be yourself again. Days and nights I cried wondering where “Naomi” went? Where did the joy go? Where is God in the darkness? I need saving, because I am confused, scared, angry, and sad.

I can now honestly say that for the past few weeks I have been feeling normal and the cloud of depression is not hovering anymore. My life has been on pause for about 11 months and I am thoroughly excited to have the stamina to begin committing to various activities again. Yes, I am still in counseling, taking two different anti-depressants, eating nutritiously, staying active, attempting to sleep at least 8 hours each night, and trying to keep in mind my social energy so I don’t spread myself too thin. I also do not know what the future holds, and I may have another breakdown in the years to come. However, for now, I feel fantastically Naomi. I feel like myself again. And I feel free. No, that does not mean I am chipper every single second or that all fears have passed away. But, the dark cloud which hovered for a number of months is no longer shading me from the sunny days and new blossoms.

This past Spring I participated in a Bible Study with the women in my home group and we studied the book of 1 Peter. The verses which stood out to me then also continues to stand out to me now as a reminder of God’s faithfulness over the past year.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” 1 Peter 2:9-10

As children of God, Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross for our sins and brought us into the Light of His Life. Similarly, God has used depression in my life as an illustration of the Gospel, bringing me out of the darkness and into His marvelous light.

IMG_8996

Working on my Mermaid pose!

Even though I am currently feeling fantastically Naomi, depression is tricky and every individual battles with this mental illness a little bit differently. Plus being a human being with lots of emotions can be confusing. Who knows, tomorrow something may occur and my depression is triggered. Yet, Matthew 6:34 reminds me not to let tomorrow be a worry. So, I will end it here sharing with you how free I am now feeling after being under the bondage of depression, something which I never expected to experience.

 God is faithful in the midst of the cloudy and the sunny.

How is God working in your life?

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

Tears roll down my face as I Facetime one of my dear friends. She looks at me in kindness, listening attentively as I share all the emotions swirling around in my heart.

Pain.

Sadness.

Confusion.

Grief.

I took a mental health day yesterday and sat on the couch for hours binging on Netflix and Blue Bell. Today I’ve tried not to stay on the couch, but I’m still weighed down.

 

This past week has been heavy.

The injustice which exists in this Genesis 3 world is sometimes too much for my soft heart.

I become frustrated with God for my emotional and sensitive personality. I wish I did not care so deeply. I wish I did not love so deeply. It is too much sometimes.

As I share with my friend the cause of my tears she smiles at me and encourages me to do something that makes me happy. I tell her my plan of happy, and we say our goodbyes.

There is one rule I have began to include in my day to day life:

“Buy yourself flowers.”

I have also recently developed a love for sushi.

So, I drive myself to Whole Foods and peruse the flower selection and watch the sweet man make my sushi roll.

I am now at my local coffee shop drinking iced green tea, and about to continue my latest read: Ruthless Trust, by Brennan Manning…

“Unwavering trust is a rare and precious thing because it often demands a degree of courage that borders on the heroic. When the shadow of Jesus’ cross falls across our lives in the form of failure, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, unemployment, loneliness, depression, the loss of a loved one; when we are deaf to everything but the shriek of our own pain; when the world around us suddenly seems a hostile, menacing place — at those times we may cry out in anguish, ‘How could a loving God permit this to happen?’ At such moments the seeds of distrust are sown. It requires heroic courage to trust in the love of God no matter what happens to us.” – Brennan Manning

When life hits hard, give yourself permission to cry. Give yourself permission to hurt.

And when the pain is confusing, remember that our God is not a God of confusion.

We serve a God who has already won the battle.

“Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!”

Psalm 27:14

Here’s to God’s sovereignty, loving friends, heroic trust, and the roses that make us happy.

IMG_6378

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

This past week I was so negative.  I blamed it on my body hormones and possibly my anti-depressants not working properly. That could have been true, but I am also trying not to use my depression as an excuse for sin or even using it as an identity fallback.

My identity is found in Christ. Praise God for reminding me of life giving hope and reigniting my soul with the Gospel that drives me forward.

As some of you know, God has me in a season of healing.

Last semester  was dark, hopeless, lonely…and God has transitioned me into a season of uncertainty. A season in which all I can answer sometimes is, “I don’t know”, wondering when the “good ‘ole days” will come again.

This past week  I was in tears off and on fighting the battle of self worth.

I am twenty-two, barely a sophomore in college, trying to figure out what the heck I am even suppose to be doing.

I have changed so much since last August. I am trying to learn who this new Naomi is. My battle with clinical depression has taught me a depth of pain I had not experienced prior. God has also taught me how important it is not to lose sight of the Hope we have in Him.

God has used various conversations in the past twenty-four hours to remind me that I am in a good place. God reminded me that is it my relationship with Jesus Christ which drives me forward, not my circumstances.

I have recently been fighting the lies of rejection, approval, expectations, insecurities…and all the while trying to live for Jesus.

Something that weighs on my heart regarding Christian culture is the fear to be honest about the crap.

Y’all. Earth is not our home. Life is hard. And it is okay to say it.

People die. Family members are chronically ill. Break-ups suck. Divorce is common. Babies are murdered. Lies are spoken. Materialism steals our paychecks. Marriage becomes an idol. Self-righteousness turns our head the other direction. Friends move away. People are fired from their job. Smiling tolerance is expected. Our body weight turns us into vomiting robots…

And at some point we begin dreading going to church for fear that someone will find out how deep we are genuinely hurting.

It is okay to hurt. It is okay not to be okay. Grieving is healthy. However, we cannot stay in the pain. Let’s encourage one another onward. Even in the small moments, God’s ways are big. God is constant. His love is steadfast. He is King of Kings. He is the Creator of everything. He knows our deepest fears and our deepest desires. He knows how no one else understands how you feel. He knows how much life hurts.

So, life on earth is going to be crappy. Life will be uncertain.

But can we please learn how to be honest and encourage one another back to the truth of the Gospel?  The Gospel is not a matter of self disciplined quiet times and college degrees. The Gospel is this:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:16-17 (ESV)

No matter the season you are in, you are in a beautiful place.

God has you (and the whole world) in His hands.

Let’s dwell on that Truth together.

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

12

I don’t necessarily care about fame.

Cemetery by Kevin Poole

 I care about creative expression.

C. S. Lewis Believed in Faiytales - Self Portrait

I care about inspiring others.

541243_352632231467008_1546192301_n

I care about saying yes to an opportunity and seeing where God takes me.

The Shops at Legacy by Hannah Cox

Relentlessly Authentic,

Naomi Rose

Read Full Post »

I’m beginning to learn that life is full of the unexpected. I heard that it was, and even tried to teach myself that. But now experience has begun teaching me what I only had stored in my memory as knowledgeable information.

Clinical depression took me back home to my parents. I had to quit the life I had built in that hipster Texas college town. I quit my flexible facilities job. I quit serving in the youth ministry. I quit going to church. I quit going to my friend’s social gatherings. I almost quit my twelve hours at community college, but my parents dragged me out of bed and drove me to school as I sulked in the passenger seat.

My anti-depressants began balancing out my hormones and the good days came more often. I  passed all my classes. I thought the semester would never end.

But it did. It did end.

However, the past year still haunts me.

Late nights staying up laughing and discussing God’s grace with my roommate. Memories of first dates and budding relationships. Two stepping with friends at Cowboys Red River. Nights serving alongside other young adults pouring into teenagers. Serving food to refugees in Germany. Day after day cleaning my area of the church, thoughts came and tears followed. Leg pains at night resulting in restless sleep. Crying uncontrollably for two hours, yearning for the negative thoughts to go away. Pessimism became the new normal. Trivia crack and browsing Pinterest were my best friends as I sat restless in class. Once again, unexplained tears, my boyfriend hugs me for ten minutes, and I hide myself under couch pillows. Tension between my mom and I because I refused to tell her the hurt building inside of me. The look on their faces when I told my loved ones I felt like harming myself. The reality of the disease. The reality that the dark tunnel doesn’t last forever, but it’s crappy in the middle of it. The disease that God has used to bring me into a new season. A season I didn’t expect. A season in my life that is confusing and painful, but the good days do happen. And there is still lots to rejoice about and to thank God for.

Nonetheless, I won’t lie. It hurts. And I still feel lost, like the beginning days of my depression. Lost, teary-eyed, and desiring for someone to hold me and to never let go.

 

 

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »